14 Mar 2018
My ex-husband is getting remarried. And to swipe the Martha Stewart phrase, “That’s a good thing.”
I’ve been remarried for about five years now and, from a totally selfish it’s-all-about-me perspective, I’m happy that our kids will no longer perceive him as the underdog. They might not agree that’s how they viewed him, but they’ve been pretty accommodating to his requests, even when those requests have been problematic.
He’s also had a run of girlfriends so I’m happy to see him settling down with a new life partner. Just because I didn’t want to remain married to him doesn’t mean I want to deprive him of his own happiness. And, from the reports, he’s marrying a “very” nice woman who’s more of a cultural match. So, yes, I am truly happy for him.
His remarriage also eliminates a huge headache down the road, one that’s been on my mind. Eventually, maybe sooner rather than later, there will be a wedding for one of my sons. With a wife, my ex won’t be scrambling for a “plus one” and everyone will be a whole lot happier.
How do I actually feel? Pretty darn good. I had a lot of guilt about our divorce, perhaps I still do. So knowing that he’s getting married is going a long way in relieving that guilt. Though I’m sure at this point, he feels blessed not to be married to me anymore so my guilt was probably my own self-centered wasted energy.
But here’s the funny thing. Perhaps being in my line of work (I also publish a magazine for boomers and seniors in my community), I am admittedly obsessed with what will happen in my later years, if I make it that far. And I hope I do. My mom expressed those fears to me and she ended up passing away unexpectedly at the age of 60 so maybe I really shouldn’t worry too much. But, yes, I do have fears of older age, many of which were so obviously passed on to me.
Back to the point… while on the call with my middle son who told me about my ex’s engagement, I asked him if I could come live with him (and presumably his future family) if I needed to when I was old and needed help. Is that an unfair thing to ask? Maybe. But, apparently, my ex has already asked him the same thing. I had to laugh. So this has me thinking… do we draw straws now or could I possibly be living with my ex again at some ripe old age?