My Husband Thinks I’m a Hoarder

People tell me their husbands think they are hoarders or they think that of themselves. I’ve been a professional organizer for a long time and 99 percent of the time, these people are not hoarders. In fact, I’ve only met three in the last 13 years.

Hoarding is a mental disorder, an aspect of being obsessive-compulsive (check ICD Clutter–Hoarding Scale) and it requires the help of a therapist and medication. An organizer cannot work alone with a hoarder successfully. When I do run into a hoarding situation, I refer them to a specialist.

Usually, the people I meet are, in fact, pack rats or collectors or the years- and even decades-long recipients of relatives’ stuff and are now stuck with it. I did actually work with one couple a few years ago who may have been displaying some hoarding tendencies, but it could have also been a combination of personal and professional pressures and they used shopping as a way to soothe their anxiety. We were able to clear out years-old piles on the tables, floors and stairway, find the floor and open the front door, which had been blocked for some time. I was told that my work with them saved the marriage. I’m not sure about that, but it did relieve the pressure of the situation and I hope they were able to maintain some order after I left. I have not seen them in a few years.

Sometimes people are just loath to give up on stuff that was once valuable or that they spent a lot of money on. It’s hard to let go of something you paid dearly for and never used. If they hang onto it, they can find a way to justify the purchase or accumulation of the problematic object. At some point, though, it’s time to let it go and move on.

A lot of times people hold onto stuff for sentimental reasons. If this extends to a teapot, a mirror or something useful, then enjoy! If you are only holding onto it because it was Aunt Sylvia’s and you have no use for it, then let it go. It is not your job to be the Smithsonian Museum for everything related to your family’s history. Often people don’t even like the particular style of the inherited objects and would much rather have something simple from Ikea. This is particularly true for the post-baby boom generations. They have no use for fancy china that has to be hand-washed. So I would encourage you to let the extra china and family inheritance go to a local thrift shop, where someone can use it. Local churches and community thrift shops welcome your donations and use the sales to pay for the church electricity or fund the scholarships they provide to local students.

If the quantity of what you have is impacting your quality of life or relationships, it is time to start weeding your house and send the stuff packing. Stuff in a home becomes clutter when it is not loved or used and can become a source of friction in a relationship. If you can’t have friends over for coffee because the dining room table is covered with papers, it’s time to get organized. If you have more than three months of Oprah magazine, Prevention or National Geographic, then it’s time to cull your stacks. If what you have is spilling onto the floor or countertops and making it a hazard to walk, then it’s time to get organized.

Many people feel embarrassed by the disorder in their homes and will not invite company over and are too embarrassed to have someone try to help them. Clutter has no socio-economic boundaries; it plagues everyone – from school teachers to retired executives and sometimes the executives more, because they think they should know better. Managing your home and clutter is not something that comes with an MBA, but it is a skill that everyone can learn and apply. When the time comes and it all gets to be too much, it’s time to get focused and get organized.

Andréa Deinstadt

Andréa Deinstadt

As the owner of a professional organizing business in Westchester County NY, Andrea Deinstadt works with people to create order in their homes and lives.She serves on the board on The National Association of Productivity and Organizing Professionals and her local business associations. When not organizing clients, she’s organizing her husband and sons and when that fails- going out to lunch with friends! for more…
Andréa Deinstadt

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